<p>By &ldquo;Sister Monica&rdquo;</p> <p>When I was 55 years old and had been a Catholic sister for 37 years I met a transgender woman a new experience for me.&nbsp; I immediately felt drawn to her and wanted to understand her life better.&nbsp; Later as we sat in my living room I felt privileged to be entrusted with her sacred and harrowing story of transition.&nbsp; As I responded to what I was hearing from her she looked intently at me and said &ldquo;You get this.&nbsp; You really do get this and we need spiritual people like you to walk with us because this is a spiritual journey.&rdquo;&nbsp; She began to tell others that there was a trans-friendly Catholic sister in town and encouraged them to contact me.&nbsp; Word got around that I could be a trusted friend.&nbsp; I did not know it then but the most amazing incredible graced part of my life was beginning.</p> <p>From the outset I felt that my call from God has two dimensions.&nbsp; One is to be a spiritual companion to those who struggle to navigate the minefields of transition reminding them repeatedly that God is not against them but with them.&nbsp; The second is to be an advocate on their behalf and a witness to their lives.</p> <p>The first was easy.&nbsp; There were countless ways to show support care and interest that are simple and for the most part private.&nbsp; For example meeting up with a few trans friends at a restaurant for dinner spending a couple of hours with someone at a coffee shop answering the phone late at night when someone needs to talk taking time with family members to help them understand their transgender loved one.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>In these conversations I came to see that many transgender people have experienced rejection from both religious leaders and members of the faith community.&nbsp; Not surprisingly they have come to believe that they cannot be true to themselves and be true to God.&nbsp; But there is no way we can pray or be in communion with God except in the truth of who we are.&nbsp; We cannot hide from God or from ourselves and grow spiritually. We can be true to God only when we are honest with ourselves and live with as much integrity as we can.&nbsp; This is the mantra that I have repeated many times to the transgender persons in my care: It is when we are striving to be the person God made us to be that we give God glory and praise.</p> <p>The second dimension of my vocational call is to be an advocate for this invisible community of God&rsquo;s people and to help other people understand them.&nbsp; This has been more challenging because it&rsquo;s more public.&nbsp; I frequently invited people whom I knew to have an open mind and heart for an evening discussion with some of my transgender friends.&nbsp; These Transgender Awareness Evenings had a fairly regular format: sharing of personal stories by the panelists then opportunity for questions and discussion with those in attendance followed by a good bit of time for informal conversation. Many in attendance left with a greater appreciation of these children of God about whom they previously knew nothing. They had allowed the boundaries of their heart to be stretched.</p> <p><strong>Dawn&rsquo;s Story.</strong> Dawn is the first and most significant transgender person I have companioned; it was through my interaction with her that I recognized the gift God had given me to minister in the transgender community. Dawn had grown up in a devout Catholic family a little boy who was convinced he was a girl.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <blockquote> <p>As a small boy I insisted on playing with girls at school recess.&nbsp; The parish priest was called to make things clear.&nbsp; &lsquo;You must play with the other boys.&nbsp; That is how you will learn to be the man God wants you to be.&rsquo;&nbsp; When I continued to protest the priest added &lsquo;It is sinful to not do what God wants us to.&nbsp; God made you a boy and you must be a boy.&nbsp; You must put away these sinful thoughts and pray that God gives you the strength to obey His will for you.&nbsp; If you don&rsquo;t you will go to hell.&rsquo;&nbsp; The priest then moved out from behind the desk and&nbsp;walked toward me exposing the wooden paddle he often used to reinforce his commands.&nbsp; &lsquo;I&rsquo;m going to help you remember this lesson help you understand the pain of disobeying God&rsquo;s will.&rsquo;&nbsp;</p> </blockquote> <p>Looking back Dawn recalls &ldquo;I began to pray the rosary each night asking Mary to help me feel happy that I was born a boy.&nbsp; But still in my heart I really hoped I would wake up a girl.&nbsp; But all the prayer did not help.&nbsp; I failed at being the boy I supposed to be.</p> <p>For the next decades this boy&rsquo;s coping mechanism was to throw himself into every kind of &ldquo;manly&rdquo; behavior.&nbsp; He became a successful athlete in high school went on to the Air Force Academy married his high school sweetheart and earned a six figure salary as an environmental engineer with a prominent firm.&nbsp; But eventually this fa&ccedil;ade came crashing down.&nbsp; The lie was just too heavy to sustain.&nbsp; The pretense was taking too much effort and was deadening her spirit.&nbsp;</p> <p>At the heart and core of Dawn&rsquo;s desperation was the fear of God&rsquo;s response to her dilemma.&nbsp; If she did not transition to the female gender that her heart cherished Dawn knew she would eventually commit suicide.&nbsp; But the Church taught that suicide was a mortal sin.&nbsp; Yet if she did undertake gender transition that too would send her to hell!&nbsp; For many years we have spoken of God&rsquo;s love for her and she has found some measure of peace though she is still plagued by depression. Now these many years later Dawn continues to be someone I pray for constantly.&nbsp; The last time we were together I noticed a lovely tattoo of a lotus flower on Dawn&rsquo;s wrist.&nbsp; The tattoo covers the scar left by a suicide attempt many years ago.&nbsp; The delicate flower reminds her daily of her choice for life.</p> <p><strong>Apprenticeship:</strong>&nbsp; In the early years my learning curve was steep. My best teachers were the transgender people themselves those who increasingly turned to me for guidance and support in their struggles.&nbsp; I also steeped myself in the available literature from medical and psychological sources. In God&rsquo;s providence an extraordinary opportunity arose.&nbsp; In 2001 the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association Conference was convened in a nearby location permitting my participation.&nbsp; This association now identified as the World&nbsp;Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) is a highly respected international resource for those serving the transgender community.&nbsp;</p> <p>As I listened to the presenters and met other participants I suspected I was the only religious professional in attendance.&nbsp;&nbsp; After listening to a talk by parents of a transgender woman I went to the microphone took a deep breath and announced: &ldquo;I am a Catholic sister myself fairly new in this ministry.&nbsp; I am here because I have much to learn in order to be a responsible minister to God&rsquo;s misunderstood and rejected transgender people.&nbsp; It is a great privilege for me to companion them on their journey.&nbsp; I want to apologize to those of you who have been hurt by the Catholic Church.&nbsp; I do not ever want to hurt you.&nbsp; I want to be a reflection to you of your beauty and goodness.&rdquo;&nbsp; When I finished my statement the four hundred people in the room gave me a standing ovation!</p> <p><strong>David&rsquo;s Story</strong>:&nbsp; I met David at a trans-gender support group.&nbsp; He arrived a bit late for this his first meeting and seemed very flustered.&nbsp; Since he was a newcomer group members were eager to help him feel welcomed.&nbsp; Each of us made a brief introduction and then David spoke.&nbsp; I remember feeling grateful that he had mustered up the courage to come&mdash;given that he did not know anyone in the group and had no clear idea what to expect from these meetings.&nbsp; David was attentive and made an active contribution.&nbsp; At the coffee break I went up to him and said &ldquo;I&rsquo;m so glad you came!&nbsp; I know you&rsquo;ll find the support you need from this group.&rdquo;&nbsp; I wanted to hug him!&nbsp; But I didn&rsquo;t know him yet so I just held his hands as I spoke.&nbsp; He seemed grateful but uncomfortable and looked away from me.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>David was well practiced in going through the motions of living.&nbsp; He had trained himself not to trust others or himself.&nbsp; For decades he felt apart and not like other people and was convinced he would never be &ldquo;normal.&rdquo;&nbsp; He spent much of his life attempting to fit in and even cultivated false selves and false aspects of himself to achieve a sense of identity.&nbsp; Finally David recognized that he could no longer deny his transgender reality.&nbsp; It is at this point that he attended the support group meeting where we met. David writes of his journey.</p> <blockquote> <p>I am continuing on my transition path and my spiritual path which I now understand is the same thing.&nbsp; I have been sober for two years and now I facilitate the transgender men&rsquo;s meeting at the center.&nbsp; I have been taking hormones for almost two years and I hope to have my first surgery sometime in the next year.&nbsp; Becoming the man I am meant to be is an ongoing process and is the focal point for my personal spiritual physical and professional development and is certainly the best decision I have ever made.</p> </blockquote> <p>Final Thoughts:&nbsp; I have tried to bring the presence of God to the transgender community for 16 years.&nbsp; I&rsquo;ve cried with them celebrated with them prayed with them and watched them grow into the freedom of the children of God as they gradually claim the truth of who they are.&nbsp; This experience has been a privilege and a gift; this community has given me immense joy.&nbsp; But for all these years I have lived with the heavy burden of a conflict:&nbsp; In order to protect my religious community from censure by the hierarchy I have to keep my ministry with the transgender community hidden.&nbsp; But to serve my transgender community I must bring them out of hiding so that they can be seen and where the injustices against them can be brought into the light.&nbsp; If only I could give witness to the goodness of transgender lives and help people to understand them better!&nbsp; So there is the conflict: My responsibility to my religious community which I love is in tension with my call from God to serve the transgender community which I also love.</p> <p>There is a passage in the constitutions of my religious congregation that reads &ldquo;Our desire is to be available and receptive servants alert to God&rsquo;s voice and the needs of God&rsquo;s people willing to have our very lives shaped by responding to these needs.&rdquo;&nbsp; I continue to grieve over the violence transgender persons suffer. I also continue to be astounded by the ways they have claimed their place in this world and offer their gifts born of their courage and fidelity.&nbsp; I want to find a way to make their voices heard especially within our Catholic Church.&nbsp; The plea of St.&nbsp;Catherine of Siena urges me on. &ldquo;Preach the truth as if you had a million voices&mdash;it is silence that kills the world.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p> <p>More information on Sister Monica and her ministry can be found at the <a href=http://www.lgbtran.org/Profile.aspx?ID=407 target=_blank>Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender Religious Archive Network</a>.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p>